Today, August 1, 2012, was Chik-fil-A Appreciation day. This was a promotion for Americans to “Buy Mor Chicken”, (or however that stupid catch phrase goes) spearheaded by former Arkansas Governor, and current evolutionary theory skeptic, Mike Huckabee. Did this happen to piss anyone else off? It did? I figured. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the situation, let me fill you in just a bit so you can all be pissed off with us.
The controversy circling around Chik-fil-A and it’s negative feelings toward homo sexuals started officially almost exactly 1 month ago to this day. On July 2nd the LGBT published a report with details of donations given by Chick-fil-A to organizations that are opposed to same-sex marriage. That same day The Biblical Recorder (which is, surprise, surprise, a southern baptist publication) published an interview with the company’s President, Dan Cathy, which included this gem.
“We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. … We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that,” Cathy emphasized. “We intend to stay the course,” he said. “We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles.”
I know right? O….M….motherfucking…..G. Anyway, following the fallout of the anti- gay bukaki (which may be an oxi-moron) Chik-fil-A wandered into, (also kind of misused imagery because of the filthy act of having your face masturbated on by like 30 guys. You don’t really just wander into that, do you?) both the mayor of Boston, Thomas Menino, and the mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel both released statements in support of gay people and their rights, essentially telling Chik-fil-A that their values did not mirror one another and they are not welcome in their respective cities. The 24 hour news networks got a hold of the story and in standard fashion blew it up to Godzilla sized proportions. OK you’re caught up, let’s talk about this.
Earlier in the afternoon, just around lunch time, a girl I know posted on Facebook, with ecstasy, something about the campaign Huckabee was running, which I hope for his sake went better than his 2008 presidential campaign which landed in the shitter (Zing!) Naturally, my first instinct was to fight with her, because I hate women to begin with and this shit just added the fuel I needed. She herself is a conservative catholic, and her defense in the argument is that this whole situation is a danger to free speech in the land of the free, home of the brave. Now, it’s not her fault that she’s wrong. Conservatives love this argument, even when it has no leg to stand on in a situation. This is what she’s been told, so she sticks to her guns. Fine, but can we please pleeeeeeeeeease examine this for one second.
Looking at the situation on the whole, I understand where the mix up comes into play it is just, as usual, misused by the radical right. Is the action taken by Emanuel and Menino morally correct? Probably, I mean it’s hard to tell someone that their morals are right or wrong, but it looks pretty good right? Were they poetic? Heroic? Ballsy as hell? Absolutely. Were they legal? Fuck no. You cannot, under any circumstances deny a business the right to set up shop in your city because of their moral values, as ridiculous and ignorant as they might be. Chik-fil-A is not dragging gay people through the streets and beating the shit out of them, it didn’t quite make the mission statement. If you look it from the conservative side of the coin, if Alabama and Wyoming told a chain of restaurants run by Mexicans that they weren’t welcome to set up shop in their states simply because they were Mexican, Liberals would FREAK OUT. Could you imagine? “Excuse me, we just don’t like wetbacks here so get the fuck out and stay out. Thanks Bro.” The outrage from the left would be off the fucking Richter Scale.
1 Point for the Conservatives. Unfortunately, they blow this lead quickly.
Remember I said before that Chik-fil-A donated a bunch of money to the anti gay lobby? Well it was upwards of $2 million Dollars. $2 million Dollars to The Family Research Council. They’re a non profit organization lobbying their ass off to advocate against gay rights, divorce, stem cell research, abortion, and pornography, you know, all the fun stuff. Basically this means their mission is to make sure these people, who just want to fuck and make it honest, cannot be legally wed. That’s oppression, plain and simple. That means that you believe that you have the right to tell a group of people that their lifestyle is wrong and disgusting. Cathy can say what he wants about what a traditional family is, and should be (this of course is at his own risk of sounding foolish), our constitution has given him that right. However, Cathy wasn’t the one donating the money to the non-profit, his COMPANY was. By donating money to the lobby, Chik-fil-A, (THE COMPANY) said to oppression, “Hey, Oppression. Not only do we dig you, but we got your back. Do your thing pimp.” This blows past the free speech going 100 miles per hour. Financially backing bigotry has nothing to do with words coming out of your mouth, it has to do with attempting to run somebodies life and tell them that you know what’s better for them than they do. This is free speech, you ready? Watch.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, your mother’s a cunt, excuse me miss your tits are magnificent, I know a lot of hispanics that carry knives, would you mind jerking me off?
Pretty cool right? Guess what I didn’t do in that sentence. Donate 2 million Dollars to a hateful non-profit lobby, or get a chicken sandwich with pickles on it, which is a dumb idea in the first place.